Roommates and "Habitating" in Peace :)

As you may (or may not) know, I moved into a house with three other ladies a few months ago.  Before I moved here, I LOVED my living arrangements.  I could walk out of the shower how I wanted, stay up late listening to music, hit snooze as many times as I wanted without fear of waking anyone, come home after a 13 hour day at work without anyone bugging me as I cooked my own dinner, etc.  That all changed September and I have been feeling sorry for myself ever since.

Upset by my sudden lack of privacy, and what I labeled as "an intrusion" on my lifestyle, I began justifying my less than civil behaviors.  Additionally, I had been going through some difficult personal issues involving family, finances, etc. which did not help my already slightly cynical mood.  After a long work day I would immediately go to my room and skip dinner altogether, so as not to be forced to talk to anyone.  In fact, I barely talked to any of the girls at at all unless I felt obligated.  Instead of being happy for the company when a roommate would strike up a conversation, I became annoyed.  I further justified my behavior by noting their "faults" and "deficiencies".  The way they talked, their opinions and views that I thought "wrong", and on and on, all the while completely ignoring my own faults.  For example, after a really long week day when I was really too tired to bring out the trash and it was mentioned to me, I was easily angered and steaming in my head about how "They have NO idea how exhausted I am! I would like to see them try to do my job and have energy at the end of the day to do chores!"  I began further distancing myself from them socially and vowed to "just live" in the house, viewing it as a place I slept and paid rent and nothing more.

Last night I was working on New Year's Resolutions.  Among the many things I listed, two specifically were:

1. Becoming more patient

2. Being a better example of a follower of Christ

As I was writing these out and thinking about them, a voice that was not my own pointed out my recent behaviors at my house.  I tried to push the voice out of my head to no avail.  I began thinking things like, "God, you don't understand!  You don't know what they are like and what they do.  They don't even believe in you!".  I found that voice mocking me.  I began to realize the behaviors I had displayed over the last few months and was embarrassed at how little I displayed my Love for Jesus in my behaviors.  I am oh so pleasant to the people at my church, my friends and other Christians, but not to the people I live with under the same roof that I see on a daily basis.  How un-Christlike is that? I began to cry as I realized who the people I lived with really were.

One roommate is an underpaid teacher who works with many children from low Socio-Economic backgrounds.  She works long days and then comes home to spend hours grading papers and coming up with lesson plans for the children she teaches.  She posts their artwork on the walls of her room.  She has thousands of dollars in student loans that she took so that she could dedicate her life to educating the future generation, realizing that she would never fully be recognized or compensated for the amount of work she does.  She is completely positive minded, has a contagious laugh, possesses artistic talent and has already led a fascinating life despite her young age, including living abroad, traveling the world by boat, and numerous other adventures.  She has so many interesting stories to tell and I could learn much from her if I would only take the time to listen... 

Another girl currently works as an underpaid receptionist for a chauvinistic Doctor despite the fact that she could be doing so much more.  She has a degree that centers around helping others and she has worked in the past (and continues to work) with Immigrant Rights, refugees and other underrepresented and under privileged members of society.  Additionally, she has helped to write legislature in her home state, and publishes creative writings.  In her free time she works from home, helps teach Spanish to ESL children and takes web publishing classes.  Her nickname from friends is "picaflour" which means hummingbird in Spanish, since she is always doing something and never sits still.  She often has her friends over for dinner, especially when they are down or upset...on that subject, when I found out my Grandmother was dying she presented flowers in a vase, a card and a bottle of wine within a half-hour of finding out.

The lady I share the downstairs with works under a Social Security Attorney.  When the elderly or needy are struggling to get the benefits they have been promised by the government, her office goes to bat for them to help them obtain those benefits.  She too, works long tedious hours often bringing her work home with her.  She is on salary so she will never be compensated for the long hours of overtime she works weekly.  She also works with many mentally unstable clients which can mean everything from persistent harassing phone calls to threats.  However, you would never guess this as she is one of the most friendly and positive people I have met.  When the other two girls had given up on my persistent grumpy behavior, she continued to show me warmth and kindness with everything from always offering to help me out when I was tired from work to continually making sure to greet me as she came home. She has been nothing but sweet and warm to me from the day I met her and all I have done is become increasingly reclusive and cold. 

All of which brings me to today and my contemplating my behavior up until this point.  Jesus didn't hang out with Christians and Saints all day. He spent his time with Prostitutes, pagans, sinners and outcasts.  Yet, I couldn't find it in my heart to spend quality time with these fascinating lovely ladies? What does that say about me as a follower of Christ? What did it say about me as a person? A human?  

I know I need to make some dramatic and immediate changes.  I need to show these ladies patience, love and understanding despite our differences in personalities and lifestyles.  Each of them are amazing people and Jesus loves them.  I need to do the same.  I am sure that they will wonder as to why I am acting so differently when they return to the house (they are all currently visiting family at the moment for the Holidays). I hope that over time I can begin to build a relationship with them and overall, be a better person (and a better roommate).  Even if I am going through a rough personal time, I have no excuse to treat them poorly or ignore them. 

The New Year will surely bring its share of ups and downs in the household I share, but I am committing to do my best to be more patient and loving.  For me, 2009 will be a year of atonement and second chances at making things right.